Follow the money, aka, "find the rich white man"

I've been shopping for a house with Bee (my soon to be fiance) and the broker/lawyer we're working with is a wealth of information. He makes great suggestions on where to live based on availability of public transportation, trends of where people with money are buying and where the greatest return on investment will be in 10-15 years.

What he has failed to calculate is that as a Chinese person, in a Chinese couple, I'd like to live where other Chinese people are. It's not about being away from White people or excluding any other ethnicity but rather being comfortable in finding sanctuary with those that most certainly share my values and traditions.

It seems to have never entered his mind that his clients would be concerned with that, but at the same time, he may not care.

This all led to a terse and slightly loud conversation I had with Bee on the T. It started with "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE NEAR A BUNCH OF WHITE PEOPLE!" and ended with a softer discussion about white privilege. During that time I got some knowing looks from the Black girl sitting nearby and some unhappy looks from the progressive Whites on the train that undoubtedly feel they don't belong in a group identified as having White privilege.

I don't feel guilty at having brought the conversation into public but I do feel guilty for presenting my STBF (soon to be fiance) with my past demons. She understands the concepts, but not the intense feelings I have on the subject.

I'm lucky that all she wants is to help me but she still doesn't know how. The worst thing about all this is that I've created a situation where she feels lost and detached from me and I'm not sure how to let her into that part of my life.

I am slowly trying to organize those feelings and find a way for her to understand the intensity of the kind of discrimination I grew up with and it starts with my suggestion to her to read Lac Su's "I Love Yous are for White People".

Until then, we'll keep looking and with the emphasis that we should live near other Asians.

I know what it's like to live in an all White community. I cherish the diversity/tolerance that it forced me to cultivate. I'd like my children to be able to grow up where they can adequately form their ethnic identities before being faced with those that constantly question their identities whether through curiousity or pig-headed ignorance.