Open Letter to lady who has something to say to everything

Dear White Lady I talked to today who had some ignorant advice every time I was just trying to make conversation,

You asked why I'm not in love with my home town. I told you I didn't have very good memories growing up there. Yes, your old, retired, formerly snow bird parents live there and it seems like a nice place to live. Yes, there's no snow there. But telling me about how good it is there doesn't make me like it because I lived there for 18+ mother-fucking years and know the town for what it truly is.

My home town is the only place Jimmy Hendrix said he would not play again. It's one of the first places that booed Andy Dick off the stage (I don't totally disagree with that, but there was wrong doing on both sides of that jackass convention). It's the only place where a beautiful woman DJing topless was booed into stopping her show simply because the crowd disliked her music (i understand she was not a half bad DJ and her top was off for Christ's sake . . . give her a break, loose boobies don't let you do battle scratching effectively).

But mostly I dislike my home town because of the racism that runs rampant in it. The highways outline the socio-economic and racial borders. In 2009 the town is still very starkly segregated and growing up there in the 80's was just that much worse.

So white lady . . . next time you tell me my hometown is not such a bad place and that I need to just spend more time there to appreciate it, remember that there is such a thing as white privilege and that it affords you luxuries like being able to say that my hometown is nice. Just remember that there are some places you can't go in that town because of the color of your skin. And more over, remember that I basically can't be comfortable any where in that town because of the color of my skin.

Sincerely,
YF

FUCK YOU BEST BUY

Let's slow down for a second.

I have a seasonal pet peeve. And that seasonal pet peeve is TV commercials that take well known Christmas songs and change the words (uncreatively, I might add) to hock their wares.

I'm talking to you Best Buy. Also Marshalls, TJMaxx currently and Old Navy from a few years ago.

I fucking hate so much!!!!

It's so infuriating. I can make better seasonal commercials than the ad wizards that shit this into a camera.

Before you say "Put up or shut up" let me stop you. I used to work production at a radio station. I have a decent understanding of what kind of media is well received and what is audio/video feces that makes educated people turn their radios off. Same concept applies in TV.

I'm so disappointed.

Jobs, Guilt and Shame

I'll admit that I have an over-developed sense of shame. I call it "Crushing Asian Shame" but we can save the argument of assigning ethnicity to that term for another time.

I've been looking for a new job for about 2 years. I've come really close and even gotten an unofficial offer over the phone for my dream job only to find it rescinded after the company changed their mind (inside source assured me it had nothing to do with any of my reasonable demands but rather internal finances).

I've interviewed at a lot of places in the last 2 years and I have mixed emotions about the situation I'm in right now.

Economy went bad and people lost jobs. I was lucky enough to keep mine. The program I work now is funded directly with stimulus money and, even though I'm pretty sure I would not have been laid off, I still guilty for looking for a new job.

Because of all this I feel like I'm asking for too much, or slapping fate in the face for letting me keep a job when I'm out looking for a new one.

Right now there are 2 companies checking my references and I fully expect an offer from at least one of them in the coming week.

And about 70% of what I feel is guilt.

Guilt at knowing that there are others struggling to find work. Guilt at knowing that for this job that I could be getting there are millions more that don't have one.

I try to take solace in knowing that the number of people applying for this job that are qualified to work the job are probably in the range of 2-10.

But I still feel shame from the guilt.

I feel like the best way to approach the situation is to just put those feelings aside for now. Maybe, if I get this job, I could donate some portion of my new earnings to those who could really use it. But it seems so selfish to donate to make myself feel good and I'm afraid that might create a new guilt shame.

When the job situation presents itself in a concrete manner I'll just listen to the voice in my head that sounds like my father. He always knows what to do.

Dou Xia

I spent the last 5 days with my gf and her family. Instead of a full on turkey dinner with all the fixins, we had hot pot (shabu-shabu) on thanksgiving. Followed by an obligatory game of monopoly and a slice of everything I helped my gf bake the night before. It's nice to be with people where I feel comfortable and I'm simply surprised that I was comfortable with people that weren't blood related.

While everything wasn't roses the entire time (there was also obligatory family tensions) and the fact that I couldn't understand but maybe 1/4 of what was being said, I was still exceptionally comfortable.

In the week prior I laid down the law for her younger sister and laid out a plan of checks and balances to makes sure she does well in school.

It's a testament to how deeply I feel for my gf that I'm starting to really care about her family and their well being.

Hiatus

I haven't written much lately even though lots of racial shit has gone down.

But this entry will be more about where things have gone and not so much about what to do about the future.

I was pursuing a company formation budding from my robotics club. Unfortunately it seems to be much harder to create a company and get support than it is to think of intellectual properties to attach to that company. So that is "on hold" indefinitely.

Fortunately, part of the reason I put my company formation on hold is also because President Obama signed a new defense bill into effect. This included funding for unmanned systems. So the robotics companies are hiring again. As a result I've been applying for jobs in my chosen field.

That coupled with appropriating funds to buy an engagement ring has my mind and time constantly occupied.

But I do have new thoughts to get out and I'll need to share soon again.

LLC

Limited Liability Company

Last I checked, Yellow people are not well represented at the top.

In the industry I work in, Asians are well represented in the technical fields but not at upper management levels. I feel the reason is largely cultural where Asians don't tend to dominate in managing workloads, preferring to work behind the scenes and therefore don't garner the level of note or respect that their western counterparts might.

I've discovered that I'm something of a loudmouthed Asian and when I speak English to a room of people that are supposedly my superiors, I do it with a deliberate southern twang. I ask hard questions. I ask nearly rude questions. I point out shortcomings. I lose my temper (albeit in a controlled manner) in mixed professional company. I don't think I'm a very "typical" Asian.

That being said, I'm starting my own company.

This isn't about Asians' rights or to make some social experiment but rather a statement to myself that if I want to do what I want to professionally I'll probably have to do it myself.

How do I know that I can follow through?

Let's enumerate the reasons:

1. I've been up until 1 or 2 in the A.M. most work nights in the past few weeks researching my field and what the customers say they want. Also looking around to see what is available and anticipating what the customer will want next.

2. I've been checking out the competition.

3. It consumes a lot (if not most) of my waking thought.

4. I've been in the industry for 3+ years and have picked up on how things work for the most part.

5. I've seen what works at the top and what kind of attitude gets results (thank you Harvard Grads that think they can do no wrong and that there is no such thing as failure, but rather an explanation of how things happened (i.e. failure is an opinion). . . apparently that is the secret to success . . . I'll be careful to not let this govern my non-business interactions)

6. Asking people for money doesn't scare me or make me feel as though I should be ashamed

7. I'm not afraid to fail at starting or having a company (especially now that I know LLC means I'm only on the hook for the monetary amount I contribute to the company).

So I'm thinking of a company name, logo, the process for becoming an LLC and how patents are filed, etc., etc., etc., etc.

Do it while you're young. Do it while you can absorb the impact of these decisions (i.e. can bounce back from a failure while not risking the security of those you will love in the future).

White Dawn?

There's a remake of "Red Dawn" filming right now. The original featured hordes of Russians invading America and a band of scrappy high-schoolers getting together minute-man style to fending them off.

This time instead of Russians they're casting Chinese as the Reds. That's somewhat offensive and makes me not want to see the movie. Last I checked the US saw China as the weird-rich-friend-that-makes-questionable-choices they keep around because they have money.

What really ticks me off is that Australian actress Isabel Lucas will be playing an Asian American highschool cheerleader whom I assume will help the American highschoolers fight against the invading hordes of the Yellow Peril.

Isabel Lucas is not Asian. She's White with blond hair in most pictures google pics found for me.









This situation is also happening with M. Night Shyamalan's "The Last Airbender", an adaptation of the American anime series on Nickelodeon. The main character in that movie is named Aang and is play by Noah Ringer (White kid). The character Aang ain't white.

Which brings me to the issue of "Yellow Face".

I can't remember the last example of truly offensive Black face other than those from looney tunes or that "Mammy" bit from the 40's. But I'll stick my neck out and say there have been no instances of Black face in wide spread media in my ~30 years. I attribute that to people like Bill Cosby in the 70's standing up, showing how Black people had been systematically hurt by the media and needed to be treated with respect. This was the beginning of people understanding that things like using the word "nigger" and performing in black face was offensive and just not acceptable even as a joke.

I don't know where this is from but it pisses me off

I'm so, so, so pissed about this because I recently lost a good friend because of a similar situation.

This former good friend of mine (who is white) I held in high regard because I felt for the first time they could understand that there are cultural differences and that was a non-issue in the friendship. But like every other White person I've ever known they decided it would be funny to point out how my Asian-ness or my Chinese-ness was either too much or too little in what ever circumstances. They even went as far as to use terms like "China-Man" and "Chink" to describe me or other Asians for supposedly comedic purposes. I wonder how this information would affect my former friend's significant other who is half Asian.

Its my mistake to have kept this person as a friend. They knew that calling black people "nigger" was wrong and never did that. I assume now they know that saying "chink" is wrong no matter the context.

This was very hurtful because I felt I simply could not trust people who weren't Asian to behave themselves in situations where racial sensitivity is important. I would even goes as far as to say that it has hurt my perception of White America as a whole in that I can no longer have faith in the White American public to be responsible for any racial insensitivity they bring to people of color.

Warner Oland as Charlie Chan

Just because the shade of an Asian person's skin is closer to that of a White person than a Black person's is doesn't make it okay to dress in "Yellow Face". Just because there hasn't been a civil rights movement for just Asians doesn't mean you can treat us like you treated black people before the 90's.

5 Most Overrated Things in My Life

I've been inspired (that's how I euphemistically say that I'm stealing an idea) from MetroDad. His blog is well known and loved by many. Part of his draw is that he's a NY City Slicker raising a little girl. Being Asian is his backdrop but not necessarily a main focus. He's an interesting fellow.

Anyway, back to me . . .


1. Being nice

I'm not saying that I'm going to stop being nice. I think my character is too well established to do that but rather that I just feel that being nice is still getting me the short end of the stick. It might have something to do with the fact that I live in a big city where I describe the general populace as "impatient and ignorant" (I like to allow people 2 words to describe the feel of a city). But there is a positive here. Being nice counts for a lot with the people that are most important to me. Being nice and meaning it and following through day after day and year after year with niceness shows you are willing to give something that not many other people can.

Verdict: Overrated relative to the masses. One-on-One . . . not so bad. My default is to still be nice.

2. Corporate America

It's great to have a job. But I work for a huge corporation whose general attitude towards employee benefits I find unappealing. The benefits I receive are "competitive" with the industry standard in that they are more than zero. A car moving at 50 mph is competitive with a car moving at 100 mph. Just like L'il Wayne is competitive with Shaq. Competitive, in this case, merely means that the existent benefits aren't complete crap.


When my company's policy is to give only 2 weeks severance when laying people off unnecessarily (trust me, it was really unnecessary as money was available to keep most people) I have no qualms about giving 2 weeks on resignation and leaving even though there may be work left. It's simply "business".

Verdict: Big Corporate America is generally too big for its britches. I'd rather work for myself . . . something I'm beginning to explore.

3. Proprietary Technology

These are big scary words that just mean "I know something that you don't and I'm not going to tell you".

I've recently adopted the attitude that since I have a graduate degree in the applied sciences I have the ability to understand most science and engineering concepts. This means 90% of the products available to your normal consumer I can make by myself with enough elbow grease and digging around on the interwebz. I can do it and it's not out of reach.

Verdict: Proprietary Technology is for soft ass bitches.

4. Graduating from Harvard (or some other expensive institution)

I'm of the staunch belief that Yale and Harvard and other similar places still have some of the best teachers but there's a huge ass of a BUT coming.

BUT, they generally deal in the softer sciences and brand name recognition. Work hard in high school, get into/graduate from an Ivy League school and you're set for life.

I went to state school . . .

for free . . .

in Florida.

I must be a complete retard according to how little I paid for my schooling.

My professors lead their fields and show up in the newspapers every once in a while.

Verdict: People who graduated from Harvard and think they're better than me for doing so are also soft bitches.


5. Brunch Places

Has anyone ever said a brunch place wasn't good? I've gotten so many recommendations on brunch places and while I wasn't ever disappointed, I wasn't blown away like I was told I would be.

You know what rocks that people don't talk about enough? Vietnamese Sandwiches.

'Nuff Said.

Verdict: Brunch is overrated and over priced . . . and usually noisy. I can cook a great breakfast at home.

Zombies, Nerds, Robots

I love zombies. Any zombie will do. Even lame dog zombies that seem to move faster than a dog zombie should.

I guess I'm a nerd. A really hot nerd with man boobs of steel. A nerd who can squat, at this point, his full body weight and then some.

But more than anything, I <3 Robots. I'll say I went to school and I studied robots. How to make them how to program them. How to keep them subservient so they don't destroy human kind (Robot booze (Pabst Blue Robot; Samuel Androids; Botweiser . . . feel free to jump in) and robot porn (I got nuthin other than the obvious Playbot) work very well.

I won't say where I work or how I feel about it but for the first time earlier this week I've felt in control of my career. I don't work in robots specifically but I've found some like minded folks at work and we've formed a group called the Sino-Judaic Robot Alliance. Just so happens most of the fellas I work with and identify closely with are Jewish . . . also we all love robots.

But back to feeling in control of my career. We're all fronting a little bit of money to start learning more about robots and build some fun little projects that will give us something good to put on our resumes. That's the worst case scenario. Best case scenario it'll turn into a full company.

But hopefully we'll know better than to call it the Sino-Judaic Robot Alliance Inc.

China Starts Eugenics War

I just read on CNN that in China, for $880, you can have your child's gene's tested for genetic predispositions to being awesome.

This is of course a rip off since Chinese people are awesome in every way possible.

Duh.

But seriously, this is some scary shit because we all know that in China sport scouts go around looking for the tiniest girls to do gymnastics or the freakiest tall yellow dudes to commence the slamma-jamma. In testing people's genes they'll not only be able to identify these traits early on but may even start encouraging people with certain genetic traits to get busy with each other (i.e. sex for super babies).

If the phenomenon spreads to neighboring India and Mongolia there will be no doubt that Khan Noonien Singh will be born.

People in Iowa better start getting busy or we'll all be destroyed.



P.S. Forgive the high nerd factor. I <3 Star Trek. To prevent alienation (pun intended) of my non-Star Trek loving readers. Khan Noonien Singh (evil genius and product of human eugenics) and James T. Kirk (corn eating farmboy from Iowa turned kick ass space captain) are mortal enemies in Star Trek.

Crushing Asian Shame: Michelle Malkin

I'm starting an installment called "Crushing Asian Shame". I'm a former sufferer of the crushing shame brought on by my traditional Chinese upbringing and have decided it has a place in showing people the wrong of their ways and forcing them to face their problems until they've been adequately resolved.

I had heard about Michelle Malkin but never seen her until this morning on the Today Show. She was talking to Matt Lauer about her new book, "Culture of Corruption: Obama and His Team of Tax Cheats, Crooks, and Cronies", that accuses President Obama of corruption and cronism of the worst kind we've seen in modern society.

I knew Michelle Malkin was part of the conservative tribe in politics but I never knew that she was Filipina and the writer of the monstrosity, "In Defense of Internment: The World War II Round-Up and What It Means For America's War on Terror".

It's probably old news but this bitch is selling out Yellow people in this book by justifying the internment of Japanese people by advocating racial profiling as a tool to pass judgement and legal action to take away the rights of people that HAVE NOT BEEN PROVEN GUILTY (i.e. are still innocent until proven guilty). Being a specific ethnicity is not probable cause for anything. I don't have a specific problem with the government keeping tabs on suspects for the interest of national security but blanket policies towards specific ethnicities is not just lazy but also socially wrong. HOW DARE she sell out yellow people like that.

But back to her appearance on the Today Show. Michelle Malkin was talking about her new book and when Matt Lauer presented an opposing view for some lively and, I assume, friendly debate Malkin simply did not let him have another word edgewise. Another part of why I think Matt couldn't speak anymore in the interview was that he was simply so shocked at Malkin's statements about the current president and how she cast him as a very corrupt individal and said that Michelle Obama's entire career had been about cronyism.

At the commerical break I imagined Matt going over to his stage manager and asking for a hug because Malkin is such an instigating king kong bitch.

Michelle Malkin, Crushing Asian Shame on you!

Hair Cut

I'm fussy about hair cuts. And I've noticed that people that go through most beauty schools are not taught how to cut hair of different races of people.

I had never had a good haircut until I came to live in the Boston area. I grew up in the deep south and most of my visits at the Hair Cuttery ended with a complaint that I have, "That springy, hard to cut hair like a Mexican" and the resulting 3 week wait for my hair to grow out and look decent again.

Now I frequent places like Lisa's Hair salon and sit down to find hair cut sanctuary from a woman that learned how to cut Asian hair. I go to the Korean/Brazilian salon down the street from lisa's and I get an even better haircut from a muscle bound korean man with long blond hair.

This is the surprising part. I live in a very mixed neighborhood and I go to a place where there are pictures of Sinatra, Bennett and Scarface all over the walls. There are porn magazines in the waiting area and the clientele mostly consists of White men almost shouting about sports.

This is the best hair cut I've ever had in my life.

The fellow I go to is White and he just knows how to cut my hair. I haven't asked him why, but I credit his intellect and the fact that he just pays attention to what he's doing and learns from it.

Meet and Greet

My name is inconsequential and I'd rather be addressed as "Yellow Fellow" in the online space. A day will come when I can and will take a more public stance but until then I remain anonymous.

It is important to know that I am very aware and proactive in creating a social equality for myself and, ultimately, other Asians.

I will give a quick background:

I was born and raised in the US at the southern fringe of the bible belt on the east coast to academic immigrant parents. My family was the 3rd Asian family in my area and my father made sure to instill Asian culture in me as my outside influences would fall short.

My early years are laced with experiences that have pushed me to hold onto and further explore my Asian identity. As a result, I feel i've come to a good enough understanding of my situation to competently express it in written form.

I hope to offer blogs on both serious and light issues as they pertain to me and the Asian community while addressing lesser known issues others may not be exposed to.

Thank you in advance for reading